I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
