rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
