it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
