She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
