um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
