Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I could fuck to npr.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
