if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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