good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
