i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
