If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize