Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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