Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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