How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
