its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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