he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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