I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
