You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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