i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
