Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
