Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
