I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
