you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
