im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
