it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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