My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
