you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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