I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
