Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
