She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
