I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
