I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
