Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
