i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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