If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
