youre lurking in front of me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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