I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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