He uses pillows to masturbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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