1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
