pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shame - the story of my life.
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