So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
