i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
