Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
