Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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