Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
