I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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