I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
