OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
