Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
