you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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