I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
