I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
