Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You took a bar mat shot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
50% drunk capacity currently
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
