I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
