You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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