I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize