In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
