We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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