i just made my gag reflex go away.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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