she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
