The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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