I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
