Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
