I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize