Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i need some magic done to my vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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