I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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