help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
