A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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