3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
