just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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