Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize