I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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