2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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