the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
