Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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