i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
