I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
