Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
