im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
