every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck appropriateness.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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