I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
