If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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