she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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