i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
