I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
