Don't make out with my wife yet
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize