mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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