i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
